Parody Feminists React To: Cute Cartoons!

DEAR GOD.

Before I begin, there's something I'd like to say, from the bottom of my heart, and it is this:

When laymen (or laywomen, cuz let's not use exclusionary language) talk about feminism, the selling point is always "Feminism is about equality" and "Men can be feminists too, because sexism hurts men". I guess if we live in a land of marshmallows and unicorn rainbow magic, that's true. Feminists sell 'feminism' as an all-encompassing solution to society's ills, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this is absolute rubbish. Coincidentally, a rocket scientist did figure that out when his microaggressive shirt triggered at least 100 feminists. Why did they get so mad about his shirt? To understand that, we must travel into the magical world of feminism.

If feminism were simply about 'equality', it would be called 'equality'. The 'feminine' prefix to the -ism should be an indicator that this is, at its heart, a woman-centric ideology. There's nothing wrong with that. JUST DON'T LIE ABOUT IT. Whenever there is an institutional inequality, there will be a reactionary movement that forms to tip the scales against unfairness. Reactionaries, including so-called 'first wave feminists', were extremists, not 'moderates'. They did what they did to get shit done. The laws changed in the UK and in the United States to allow women to hold a job, own land, vote, and made it easier for women to have access to good education. In my opinion, those are good things to be granted to human beings by other human beings, because we all have to share the world we live in with each other.

The 'second wave' of feminism is generally attributed to the writings of Betty Friedan, although she was heavily influenced by Simone de Beauvoir, Charlotte Perkins Gilman, and Elizabeth Cady Stanton, who introduced and promoted the idea of Matriarchal Feminism, which is essentially political control of all aspects of society by women. Dorothy E. Smith describes patriarchy as “the totality of male domination and its pervasiveness in woman’s lives”, which is not to say that The Patriarchy is akin to the "illuminati" as an official organization, but a way of thinking that asserts that males should be dominant in society. The feminism of today is generally matriarchal, and is about obtaining power and domination.

The 'equality' spiel is completely false. It's a selling point, nothing more. If feminism were a religion, it would need literature, like a Bible or Quran, to dictate doctrine, and it does have scriptures. However, the scriptures have a wide range of opinions and interpretations inherently, but the dogma is there; The patriarchy is real, and male power must be torn down, doth saith Andrea Dworkin. 

"Equality"

"Equality"

So I saw this cartoon while perusing the internets (all of them) and wanted to maybe do a tweet about it, but it's a loooooooong comic full of bullshit, strawman arguments, and - might I add - the handwriting is terrible. I like the drawings stylistically. The cartoon characters look cute, and I feel like the intent of the author is good. I don't think the author/artist decided "I'm gonna manipulate the fuck out of people with these cute little people." So anyhow, the cartoon is basically "WHY WE NEED FEMINISM". Because apparently, it's going to cure normal human thoughts.

Why do we need feminism, gaiz?

"Because we think she's shallow." - first of all, that boy is a dumbass for walking up to a girl and just yelling, "Date me!"

Also, that girl is shallow. She doesn't like him because she doesn't find him sexually attractive, and won't bother to find out if he's funny, smart, honest, kind, or any of those good personality traits. So yes, she's shallow as fuck.

"But we think she's desperate." - This is the opening of the whole comic! It's a double-standard. The guy here is ALSO shallow. It doesn't matter if the person is a guy or a girl, they both are using aesthetic beauty as their metric for date-material. 

BUT GUESS WHAT?

That doesn't matter! They have the right to choose who they're going to date. They can be superficial, shallow assholes, and it doesn't fucking matter. That's their choice. Sure, getting rejected sucks balls, but feminism isn't going to magically fix being rejected, I'm sorry to say. I will say, though, that the thicc girl would probably get laid anyhow.

male female privilege

p-please... don't touch me...

What is the point of this? Is it that the guy won't fuck off, or that he knows he's being lied to? How is feminism going to change the fact that men are attracted to women and vice-versa? Sure, this girl isn't attracted to this particular guy, and her hair length changes in the second panel, but is this a realistic 'every day' scenario? This feels more like a personal anecdote to me. I know we're supposed to feel bad because the guy is all 'rapey', but this feels like one of those 'first world problems' memes, where the caption is "I'm too attractive and have to say 'no' to certain men while wearing my sexy mini-skirt."

Maybe they enjoy hanging out with him. 

So here's a complicated issue. I assume what happened was an autistic teenager saw her boobs and just wanted to touch them and didn't realize how inappropriate that'd be because of his extreme levels of autism that cause him to draw pictures of Sonic The Hedgehog obsessively. I mean, this shit just happens. You can't prevent these things. Here's where it get complicated: do we tell Simple Jack not to touch the boob-area of women that he doesn't know? Yes. Do we scold the girl for being genetically cursed to grow boobs, and wanted to wear a shirt that would help her to keep cool in the summer heat? I would almost always say 'no', unless she KNEW Simple Jack would get hot and bothered, and thought it'd be funny to tease him, but couldn't have foreseen that he would lunge forward in excitement and squeeze her tits. Then yes. Cover that shit up, Sally Sue.

This happens a lot, actually. Why don't guys wear their cups? "I wasn't expecting to get kicked in the groin." they say. Well, when you spar, people are going to be throwing kicks at you. You fail at Muay Thai.

This assumes all females are straight. Some women are lesbians, and want to get make-overs for their girlfriends. That aside, dating can be competitive. Everyone wants to find someone that is perfect in personality and appearance. You can't change your personality, though. You can, however, change your appearance. I could even argue that changing your appearance is a form of self-improvement, and can be good for your confidence, because you're not stuck with the same look. I know, some people like their look and don't want to change it. But some people are in a funk and need to change. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting male OR female attention, either. That's part of what makes life meaningful; being accepted and valued by others. If your attitude is like, "Well, people should accept me as I am, and I can just be an ugly slob because fuck everybody." then good luck. I hope that works, but I can't promise great results.

That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with the girl on the left. It really just depends on how she feels and what she wants. I'm sure some guys will be attracted to her as she is. Others won't. That's not going to change if everyone converts to feminism.

Are you shitting me, my dude? How many levels of irony are you on? 5? 6? You're like a little child to me. Have you ever watched a movie, like, ever? Do you know who Ryan Reynolds is? 

This borders on intentional blindness. Men have to improve themselves the same way women do: by eating healthy, exercising regularly, wearing brand-name clothing, and having blue eyes. In fact - IN FACT - I'd say it's worse for men, because if a man just 'accepts himself', he's a lazy fat-ass, but if a woman accepts herself, she's brave. Don't believe me? Well... good. Because it's purely anecdotal, which means it's probably a bunch of bullshit.

This depends on where you live and what your family is like. I guess the main difference between male and female promiscuity is that women can get pregnant, whereas men cannot. I don't know if that is common knowledge or not. I just don't know anymore. I would also encourage women to stay with a stable partner that can support them and help them raise children rather than have kids willy-nilly. You should know this, because of alimony laws and stuff.

Also yes, I know condoms exist. But men aren't going to wear a condom if their partner is yelling "Oh god, fuck me in the pussy, I wanna feel you inside me, fuccckkkkk"

It's all relative. One person's prudishness is another's whore. However, pragmatically speaking, one can make their own estimation of how they are going to be perceived while wearing this or that. Maybe the 'prude' girl wants to be modest. Maybe she likes that look. Maybe the 'revealing' girl wants more attention from men or from lesbos. If either of them is upset because they're not getting the reaction they want while wearing the clothes they currently have, they can always change their clothes and see how the reactions of others changes. 

It'd be nice to live in a perfect world where we can just do whatever we want and be happy all the time, wouldn't it? Feminism isn't going to make that world happen. Feminism isn't trying to get women to be confident in their choices; it's trying to force others to accept women's choices. When you force people to think a certain way, it makes people unhappy. "Changing perceptions" is akin to thought-control. That may sound a bit orwellian, but people need the freedom to perceive things as they may. 

Same as above. Butch lady wants to be butch and girly-girl wants to be girly. If people are judging them in a condescending manner, feminism's response should be to empower those who are being judged so that they are confident enough to overcome judgement, rather than trying to tell everyone else what to think.

This isn't really a gender issue, and this very comic agrees with me, which you will see in a bit. Life is a balancing act above a punji pit. For whatever reason, we live in a mentally ill society where we can't balance for shit, and end up with 1,000 lb human beings who can't leave their own houses, and holocaust-survivor cosplay. We have body-builders who can't lift their arms up over their heads and look like they'd deflate if you stuck a needle in them - which incidentally, is what they spend a lot of time doing to their butt cheeks.

Yeah, society is overbearing with their trying to "fix" everyone when they're also dysfunctional as hell in another part of their life, but there is truth within the overbearing-ness. We should be thanking God there are people that tell us to get our shit together.

Literally what?

If there were ever a fault with feminism, it's that it tries to get everyone to stop thinking as individuals, and to force everyone to think the same. It's difficult to hammer this fact through the skull of someone who spent way too much time sucking their progressive professor's dick, but women are NOT a hivemind. Some people are going to be honest, others are going to be gossipy, others are going to be angry, others will be shy, others will be flat, others will be sharp, others will be anime fans, others will be gingers, and so on and so forth. It's not "sexism" if two friends gossip about someone else. That's just fucking shit that people do. Even feminists gossip about each other and accuse each other of being 'fake feminists'. 

Jeffrey Dahmer murdered and ate people. I don't respect him. Other than cases like that, I agree with the principle that people should be given the chance to be respected unless they show some despicable character trait that does not merit respect. I want to live in a happy world, and I want to believe that a perfectly compassionate world is possible, but I must acknowledge that we're not fighting an invisible enemy like "Satan" or "The Illuminati". The reason we don't have a perfect world is because of people. We are our worst enemies. So to propagate a worldview, one must oppose another worldview, and that means opposing other people. To enforce one's worldview on others by intimidation is the opposite of respectful. 

Like, if I said, "Okay, everyone must be rich." and forced everyone to have a billion dollars in gold, but there was a crazy old man in the woods in a cabin who was like "I don't want no gold! I don't want no riches!" but I'd be all like "Fuck you faggot, you're going to take your gold or face the consequences."

You can't do that. I'd love if the message was "Treat people well", but that's not what we're talking about here. The message is, "Society would be better if you did shit our way." with the assumption that your way is the 'correct' way.

This is one of those dumb connotations that exists in many languages and cultures. This is one of the instances where I agree with the cartoonist on this issue being valid. But how much does this affect me in my every day life? Very little. It's mildly annoying at worst. But I can't speak for everyone, so... yeah. 

I find this panel really fucking funny, and I don't think feminism is going to fix that.

So yup, according to this comic, body issues are problems for both men and women, and the solution is to empower women because men have too much societal power. Does that make any sense? 

There is an ironic sliver of truth in the cartoon. If that is the 'mother', who finds little Jimmy playing with some Disney Princess dolls, she's saying, "Hey, listen you little fuck, those are girls' toys." It shows that women, as mothers, sisters, friends, and so on, have a definite impact on the way men perceive themselves, and are expected to behave. That being said, I have no problem with boys playing with Barbies. I don't think most people have a problem with that, either. I do think that boys are just less inclined to play with girls' toys, because girls' toys are marketed in a disgusting dull pink, which is the same color as pink bismuth, which is used to stop nausea, gas, and stomach pain. By association, boys become nauseated by girls' toys.

I think John Waters would disagree. This seems more like a relic of a past culture that is fading away, as far as 'intolerance' goes. Also, dresses seem ergonomically superior for people who tend to shit in public, which is why the toga was so popular in the Roman Empire. 

Here's another problem that isn't going to be fixed via feminism. But this actually goes both ways. For example, a woman stays together with a boyfriend/husband that beats the shit out of her. People go, "You need to be strong for yourself and for your children." and shake their heads when she decides to stay with him. She is 'weak' mentally for being held captive, right? 

Additionally, men who get their ass kicked frequently, or back down from confrontations in general are seen as weak, regardless of who their conflict is with, be it man or woman. This is one of the most primal things that we haven't yet evolved out of. We have a strong impulse to lash out physically towards people who make us angry, and it's sort of a thing each person has to sort out for themselves how they're going to deal with anger in a way that doesn't cause pain to the people they love.

I'd like to quote myself from 90 seconds ago (depending on fast you read, I guess):

"[this panel] shows that women, as mothers, sisters, friends, and so on, have a definite impact on the way men perceive themselves, and are expected to behave."

If only men had some sort of individual rights movement to help them overcome this sexism... 

If you're going to insult someone, generally, you're going to jab at their identity. I remember recently being in a few arguments where my intelligence was brought into question. That's because the people I was arguing with decided to employ insults as part of our verbal conflict, and made the assumption that I value my ability to think intelligently. Therefore, they said I was uneducated and common street trash (both of which are fairly accurate) to get under my skin. If I were a man, and I valued being a man, being called a woman might make me angry because penis.

The author/cartoonist said it, not me.

Here's another one of those, "Oh shit, you're almost self-aware" moments. The cartoonist associates weakness with femininity here. What is not mentioned is that men are also called "dick", "asshole", "dumbass", "prick", "son of a bitch" (Which is essentially a 'bastard' or fatherless child, the implication is that their lives are worthless because they only exist because their father fucked a loose bitch and then split) and so on, none of which imply that the man in question is womanly. 

Fun fact: a somewhat common insult among women towards each other is 'dyke', which is a woman who is manly. For shame!

I don't know why feminists insist on double-underlining shit. But look at their signs, posters, and so on, and you'll notice it's just as common as the colorful hair cliche. That aside, this panel literally makes no sense to me, so maybe someone can explain it, and then I can go "Ohhhhhhh." and feel dumb.

On the left side, a guy is hitting on a woman, as he desires to fertilize her eggs and provide continuity to the human race. The girl is like "No, I'm not interested because you're a fucking nerd, and I only like bad boys who get arrested and cheat on me." and she feels super-uncomfortable and fears for her vaginal safety. On the right side, a girl is with a muscular, handsome man that she finds to be sexually attractive, probably for his genetic probability of producing healthy, strong children that will live longer than average. There is also a guy who is like "I'm jealous because they're together and I'm not with her." and BAWWWWWW poor guy! If feminism was more prevalent, the girl would want to go out with him because why...? The left side of the panel shows that if the boy were more confident, the girl would still reject him.

I guess the moral here is to be born attractive, you fucking idiots.

It is when you use the hashtag, "KillAllMen". It does when Men's Rights advocates are considered a 'hate group'. It does when men are told to 'shut up' and told that they have compulsion to rape. In fact, whenever men's rights and men's well-being are brought up, feminists freak the fuck out.

There's that goddamn double-underline.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with the girl in the last picture. I feel bad that she feels like she has 'internalized oppression' because she's having normal human thoughts. Someone told her repeatedly that her behavior is abnormal and that she has to learn to increase her thetan levels to over 9,000 or feel perpetually guilty. So that's why I'm saying that this isn't a system of 'equality' so much as it is a way of teaching people how to think. 

Men and women generally like each other after the fifth grade. Of all the cultural differences in the modern world, I'd say the relationships between heterosexual people are the least volatile. If there is truly a mutual understand being lacked, it's because opposing sides need to make concessions. I have yet to see a feminist make a concession like "The wage gap is a misunderstanding of statistics, so we got that one wrong." No, they give nothing. The 'mutual understanding' that men are told they lack is that feminists are right and they are wrong, and we all need to just come together to accept that, and it's kumbaya for humanity.

Double-underline again. Actually, this is where I agree the most. Listening to each other does help all of us. And if we work together, we can make life better for all of us. That being said, I feel like this final panel is not a concession by feminists to try to understand and respect men and masculinity more in return for men to try to understand femininity more. I feel like this more like an appeal to emotion for people who are either on the fence, or haven't put much thought into the issue, so they go, "Oh! Feminism is about bringing people together!" and that's all it seems to be. 

In conclusion, if you embrace feminism, you will be happy and if you don't, you'll be miserable and alone. The choice is yours, fuckface.